It's Been a While

No time to adequately catch you up ... just a few phrases to paint a picture ... and I'll just title it all "Missing the Boat."

  • I was gone to the East Coast for 5 days.
  • Came home on Valentines Day wiped out and emotionally spent. 'Totally missed the boat on Steve's awesome Valentine's Day set-up. He had a clean house, flowers, and home-made valentine waiting for me. All I had to offer him was a tired and crabby disposition.
  • Steve left the next morning for a business trip.
  • All sons at home got sick with the flu.
  • Steve came home.
  • Dishwasher broke. Steve spent soggy time on the kitchen floor with screwdriver and plastic pieces.
  • I got sick with the flu.
  • Washing Machine broke. Had to farm out laundry to amazing friends.
  • Steve and I started avoiding eye contact.

I relationally floated past my husband for a couple weeks. I watched him wrangle with dishes and the dishwasher, and a sick wife. My sons ran fevers and generally felt lousy. Dishes waited patiently in the sink. And the laundry room went chaotic.

On Monday, Steve and I finally had some time to have a real conversation. It was one of those hard conversations where you have to go back and speak the really hard and awful things that happened, and the ways we hurt each other. It's a necessary process. Like cleaning out the drain in the dishwasher, washing sheets in hot water, or fixing the pump on the washing machine. It's important to do clean up and maintenance -- physically and relationally. Otherwise stuff just continues to break, and pile up, and make you feel sick. So, today, my word to you is my own Note to Self:

If you are missing the boat with someone you love, just say it. Speak what's been happening. It is really unpleasant and feels bad to admit where things have been broken or unhealthy. But in the long run, it's way better than the festering silence or distance that come with avoidance. The first step to getting things fixed and healthy again starts today: Say what you need to say. Hear what you need to hear. Ask for forgiveness. Start over. It'll be worth it.

So now, things are up and running again at our house. Steve and I can look each other in the eye and smile again. And, it feels like coming out of a bad sick feverish dream. Ty found this clip on YouTube. (It's not our dog). And, maybe it best sums up a little bit of how the waking-up felt. Maybe you relate.


Laura said...

that is a really funny video. i love your honesty and the encouragement to step into hard conversations. thank you for being open. love how the dog picture fit with your post. :)

Steve M said...

Thank you for this important reminder. Looks like God grew beautiful roses in the manure of the past month. Now I get to enjoy Him and be proud of you two. Love ya 'cuz.

Kleigh said...

Hey, my Cousin!
Thanks for reading and encouraging!
'Awesome to have you along!